The moment I mentioned that I stress about stressing ~haha~ my counselor decided to do an assessment on me.
It was an assessment with about 100 questions.
She would read them to me, then WITHOUT thinking, I needed to answer true or false to the statement.
At the end, she asked me if I noticed a pattern in my results.
I told her I noticed I felt strongly about:
1) Other people's opinions
2) Criticism
She said our goal what to find out WHY.
So I sit here today wondering...
WHY do I care what other people think?
WHY do I feel the need to impress people?
WHY do I stress about everything under the sun, even if there's NO possible way it could happen?
WHY do I stress so much?
WHY do I hate being criticized?
I can remember my first job. Denny's in Tuscola. My one year job evaluation was due. I was scared. SO scared. But why? I did my job to the best of my ability. I had trained more than one hostess that year. Doesn't make any sense to be scared or anxious for something like this. But I was.
Why can't I just take my accomplishments in life and be happy? Why do I feel like I need people to be okay with MY life? It's my life. I've done a lot to be proud of.
Now I just have to find my WHY!
Can I make a real comment on this?
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want you to know that it took a lot of courage and guts to put this out there. Second, I know you are not alone in this feeling. I found myself feeling this way for years and it didnt just go away. It is a daily reminder to stay calm and live in the moment. As ridiculous as it sounds being an adult is much more scary than I ever dreamed. Makes me sad that you have these struggles. But I wl always be here for you to talk to. I love you a.d I am proud that you are managing to do what you feel is best for you even with the worries of not receiving agreement to all of your choices. But if you go to bed and feel good about your day, feel good about that. Take things slow and see make small changes you are comfortable with. Rome wasnt built in a day to day making a better you takes just thought. Day by day. I love you!!
ReplyDeleteHey Geri! Thanks! It's tough but I just work past it! Love you!
Delete